Articles

Health Services Announces Acorn Meds

Opted out of Acorn Books? Don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet because Health Services has recently announced, in collaboration with Purdue Pharma: Acorn Meds! Haverford’s medication rental program that promotes inclusion by letting students break their bones without breaking the bank.  What are the details of Acorn Meds, you might ask? It is a semester-by-semester program that allows students to pay upfront for a … Continue reading Health Services Announces Acorn Meds

Rhianna SearleLeave a comment
Articles

Victory: Journalism is Dead

At long last, it’s finally happened: The Consensus has overtaken the once-respected Clerk in Instagram followers, the surest indicator of a newspaper’s legitimacy. Journalism is dead. And we’re here for it. Amidst all the bad things going on in the world, Haverford students are smart enough to know where to get the truth they want to hear: How to show up absolutely shloshed to the … Continue reading Victory: Journalism is Dead

Haverford Consensus1 Comment
Articles

A Haverbro’s May Day

Here we observe the Haverbro in the wild. He’s far from home, having ventured from his safe environs to search Bryn Mawr for food, garlic knots in particular. He has no idea what he’s ventured into.  First, he finds himself confronted by the parade through campus. Utterly confounded, he wonders if Pride has always taken place in April. Furthermore, he believed Pride normally had something … Continue reading A Haverbro’s May Day

Haverford Consensus and Ian McKnight1 Comment
Articles, Lists

A Consensus Guide: Room Draw’s Hottest New Spots

1. The tower on top of Founders Looking for gorgeous 360° views? Look no further than the tower atop historic Founder’s Hall. The snuggly single boasts a small interior, but it has everything you need: mice, a microwave crusted in popcorn entrails, a giant-ass bell, and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to survey. Students with severe dog allergies are warned- this is Peanut’s summer home. Bonus- it’s … Continue reading A Consensus Guide: Room Draw’s Hottest New Spots

Ella ManningLeave a comment
Articles, Lists

Potential Haverfest Performers Leaked

Rage Against the Woke Machine This conservative Rage Against The Machine cover band is here to rock! And by rock, I mean not rock the boat. This band is convinced that Rage Against The Machine is a conservative band rebelling against the liberal establishment. They’ll blow you away with such hits as “Killing in the Name of (tax cuts)” and “(Wall Street) Bulls on Parade” … Continue reading Potential Haverfest Performers Leaked

Haverford Consensus and Ian McKnight1 Comment
Articles, Celebrity Pet Worner

Nicole Kidman Mourns Pet Kangaroo

Naur! Nicole Kidman’s pet kangaroo, Mate, has died this week. The actress and Australian posted the news to Instagram Tuesday, bidding Mate a final “G’day” and reassuring fans that he “lived a good life” and “he’s in a better place.” The Consensus is doubtful that heaven is a better place for a kangaroo than the Australian Outback, but we have been unable to reach Mate … Continue reading Nicole Kidman Mourns Pet Kangaroo

Haverford Consensus and Lillian LeibovichLeave a comment
Uncategorized

In an Effort to Get Students to Check Their Mail, Haverford Hires Steve from Blues Clues to Serenade You

In an effort to encourage students to pick up their heaping piles of mail, Haverford has hired childhood superstar extraordinaire Steve from the hit 1996 Nickelodeon TV show, Blues Clues. Since the move, Central Services has cleared out 5 tons of unopened mail and students report feeling “seen” by the man in the green shirt when he sings, “you just got a letter, you just … Continue reading In an Effort to Get Students to Check Their Mail, Haverford Hires Steve from Blues Clues to Serenade You

Maia RoarkLeave a comment
Articles

Wendy Worner and Kamala Harris to switch jobs, Freaky Friday style

BREAKING: Following slumping polling numbers, the Biden reelection campaign has decided to drop Kamala Harris from the ticket. Washington insiders speculated that she might be replaced with Pete Buttigieg, Gretchen Whitmer, or Gavin Newsom. In a shocking turn of events, however, President Biden gave the nod to Wendy Worner, President of Haverford College. Experts cited her particular expertise in Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion as a … Continue reading Wendy Worner and Kamala Harris to switch jobs, Freaky Friday style

Haverford Consensus and Ian McKnightLeave a comment
Articles

Havertime Out, Haversoup In!

Marcus Aurelius once said, “Adapt yourself to the things with which your lot has been cast.”1 And the Haverford student body has taken that to heart with their recent savvy political compromise. Facing the imminent demise of ‘Havertime,’ the beloved tradition of just not showing up to class on time, the Haverford student body, in a unanimous plenary vote, passed a resolution offering to trade … Continue reading Havertime Out, Haversoup In!

Ian McKnight47 Comments