Yum-Yum! Check Out The DC’s New Themed Nights!
This semester, the DC is serving up innovation for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Continue reading Yum-Yum! Check Out The DC’s New Themed Nights!
Category: Articles
Victory: Journalism is Dead
At long last, it’s finally happened: The Consensus has overtaken the once-respected Clerk in Instagram followers, the surest indicator of a newspaper’s legitimacy. Journalism is dead. And we’re here for it. Amidst all the bad things going on in the world, Haverford students are smart enough to know where to get the truth they want to hear: How to show up absolutely shloshed to the … Continue reading Victory: Journalism is Dead
A Haverbro’s May Day
Here we observe the Haverbro in the wild. He’s far from home, having ventured from his safe environs to search Bryn Mawr for food, garlic knots in particular. He has no idea what he’s ventured into. First, he finds himself confronted by the parade through campus. Utterly confounded, he wonders if Pride has always taken place in April. Furthermore, he believed Pride normally had something … Continue reading A Haverbro’s May Day
A Consensus Guide: Room Draw’s Hottest New Spots
1. The tower on top of Founders Looking for gorgeous 360° views? Look no further than the tower atop historic Founder’s Hall. The snuggly single boasts a small interior, but it has everything you need: mice, a microwave crusted in popcorn entrails, a giant-ass bell, and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to survey. Students with severe dog allergies are warned- this is Peanut’s summer home. Bonus- it’s … Continue reading A Consensus Guide: Room Draw’s Hottest New Spots
Potential Haverfest Performers Leaked
Rage Against the Woke Machine This conservative Rage Against The Machine cover band is here to rock! And by rock, I mean not rock the boat. This band is convinced that Rage Against The Machine is a conservative band rebelling against the liberal establishment. They’ll blow you away with such hits as “Killing in the Name of (tax cuts)” and “(Wall Street) Bulls on Parade” … Continue reading Potential Haverfest Performers Leaked
Nicole Kidman Mourns Pet Kangaroo
Naur! Nicole Kidman’s pet kangaroo, Mate, has died this week. The actress and Australian posted the news to Instagram Tuesday, bidding Mate a final “G’day” and reassuring fans that he “lived a good life” and “he’s in a better place.” The Consensus is doubtful that heaven is a better place for a kangaroo than the Australian Outback, but we have been unable to reach Mate … Continue reading Nicole Kidman Mourns Pet Kangaroo
Wendy Worner and Kamala Harris to switch jobs, Freaky Friday style
BREAKING: Following slumping polling numbers, the Biden reelection campaign has decided to drop Kamala Harris from the ticket. Washington insiders speculated that she might be replaced with Pete Buttigieg, Gretchen Whitmer, or Gavin Newsom. In a shocking turn of events, however, President Biden gave the nod to Wendy Worner, President of Haverford College. Experts cited her particular expertise in Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion as a … Continue reading Wendy Worner and Kamala Harris to switch jobs, Freaky Friday style
Havertime Out, Haversoup In!
Marcus Aurelius once said, “Adapt yourself to the things with which your lot has been cast.”1 And the Haverford student body has taken that to heart with their recent savvy political compromise. Facing the imminent demise of ‘Havertime,’ the beloved tradition of just not showing up to class on time, the Haverford student body, in a unanimous plenary vote, passed a resolution offering to trade … Continue reading Havertime Out, Haversoup In!
God Bless: I Just Saved This Student From Becoming The Devil’s Advocate by Exorcising Him
I felt a wave of darkness wash over me in my political science class when I heard my peer Thaddeus Cummings, notable Haverford College Republicans member and devout Protestant, say “let me be the devil’s advocate” in our class discussion about wealth disparities affecting Middle America. The ominous feeling looming over me was not superstition – the devil was in this classroom, and he was … Continue reading God Bless: I Just Saved This Student From Becoming The Devil’s Advocate by Exorcising Him
If Cover Letters Were Genuine
Insert extremely flattering salutation that seems a bit over the top: Hello. My name is Arnold Palmer and I want to work for you this summer because if I don’t get a job, my dad will keep telling everyone how much of a disappointment I am. Does this internship seem interesting? Sure, why not? Was it my first choice? You wish. In terms of past … Continue reading If Cover Letters Were Genuine
