Pussy is Power. But what if it was a Renewable Energy Source?

As the earth hurtles deeper into the climate crisis, consumers and businesses alike hunger for novel sources of green energy.  Earlier this year, a team of scientists at Yonix Inc. made a vital and timely breakthrough. They discovered how to harness the power of the world’s greatest renewable resource—the human vagina. How did these scientists tap that? The researchers have created “The Coochinex™,” a patented … Continue reading Pussy is Power. But what if it was a Renewable Energy Source?

Campus Safety Dissolved, Replaced by Squirrels With Knives

In an unexpected move, Haverford College Campus Safety has been officially disbanded. The organization ceased to exist Monday, October 12 when Tom King pulled the plug on its funding, immediately terminating all campus safety employees. “We simply do not have room in the budget for 20 salaried individuals who do the work that 350 squirrels with knives could easily complete,” King revealed in a later … Continue reading Campus Safety Dissolved, Replaced by Squirrels With Knives