BREAKING: Following slumping polling numbers, the Biden reelection campaign has decided to drop Kamala Harris from the ticket. Washington insiders speculated that she might be replaced with Pete Buttigieg, Gretchen Whitmer, or Gavin Newsom. In a shocking turn of events, however, President Biden gave the nod to Wendy Worner, President of Haverford College. Experts cited her particular expertise in Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion as a … Continue reading Wendy Worner and Kamala Harris to switch jobs, Freaky Friday style

Marcus Aurelius once said, “Adapt yourself to the things with which your lot has been cast.”1 And the Haverford student body has taken that to heart with their recent savvy political compromise. Facing the imminent demise of ‘Havertime,’ the beloved tradition of just not showing up to class on time, the Haverford student body, in a unanimous plenary vote, passed a resolution offering to trade … Continue reading Havertime Out, Haversoup In!

I felt a wave of darkness wash over me in my political science class when I heard my peer Thaddeus Cummings, notable Haverford College Republicans member and devout Protestant, say “let me be the devil’s advocate” in our class discussion about wealth disparities affecting Middle America. The ominous feeling looming over me was not superstition – the devil was in this classroom, and he was … Continue reading God Bless: I Just Saved This Student From Becoming The Devil’s Advocate by Exorcising Him

Insert extremely flattering salutation that seems a bit over the top:  Hello. My name is Arnold Palmer and I want to work for you this summer because if I don’t get a job, my dad will keep telling everyone how much of a disappointment I am. Does this internship seem interesting? Sure, why not? Was it my first choice? You wish.  In terms of past … Continue reading If Cover Letters Were Genuine