I felt a wave of darkness wash over me in my political science class when I heard my peer Thaddeus Cummings, notable Haverford College Republicans member and devout Protestant, say “let me be the devil’s advocate” in our class discussion about wealth disparities affecting Middle America. The ominous feeling looming over me was not superstition – the devil was in this classroom, and he was … Continue reading God Bless: I Just Saved This Student From Becoming The Devil’s Advocate by Exorcising Him

Insert extremely flattering salutation that seems a bit over the top:  Hello. My name is Arnold Palmer and I want to work for you this summer because if I don’t get a job, my dad will keep telling everyone how much of a disappointment I am. Does this internship seem interesting? Sure, why not? Was it my first choice? You wish.  In terms of past … Continue reading If Cover Letters Were Genuine

The light has gone out of my life. There is no more Passion fruit, Orange, and Guava juice at the Dining Center. I am left bereft of its taste. While before my days eating food had been filled with whimsy, joy, and ecstatic bliss, now I simply chew in misery. Continue reading The Light Has Gone Out of My Life

On Wednesday, head of Health Services and Wellness Guru Kathy McGovern announced to the nation that Health Services will soon be demolished and completely rebuilt as a combination KFC/Taco Bell.  Continue reading HUZZAH! Health Services to be Replaced With Combination KFC/Taco Bell

BREAKING: The rats have aligned.

The Rat Union☭ of Lunt and the Rat Society™ of Comfort have signed a pact, allying against the United Rat RepublicⓇ of Jones. This pact has drastic consequences for the rat and human populations of the North Dorms, and spells a dire future for all of Haverford College. Continue reading The Rats Align

Most cross-country teams have weird traditions. At Haverford, the weird traditions have a cross-country team. Continue reading Breaking News: The Cross-Country Team is Just a Cult