1. Put up some fairy lights

As any Pinterest board or Pottery Barn teen catalogue will tell you, no college dorm is complete without fairy lights. Putting up these bad boys will tell your professors and peers that your serotonin levels are right where they should be. Opt for a soft white or pastel to show you have a personality, but nothing bright enough to make them think you’ve gone completely off the rails. 

2. Make half of your bed

We all know you haven’t made your bed since 2013, but that kind of sloppy behavior might set off alarm bells. Making an entire bed is time consuming, hard, and insurmountable in this moment. Instead, try making just the half of your bed that will show up in the camera frame! It’s the perfect compromise between your broken mind and your desire to appear stable to your esteemed professors. 

3. Make a sign

Putting up a fun, personalized sign in the background of your zoom call is a great way to communicate to your classmates that you are doing A-OK. Consider a sign that says “I’m doing great,” “no need for alarm,” or “I’ve never had a panic attack.” But of course, feel free to really make it your own. Making a sign is also a great way to get out your anxious energy and get your mind off of that research paper you haven’t started. Nothing says I’m mentally stable like a sign that says “I’m mentally stable.”   

4. Turn on some lights

The contrast between the sinking darkness of your eye sockets and the bright white light on your nose isn’t fooling anyone. We know you haven’t moved from your laptop in the last 8 hours. Turn on your bedroom light, or try opening your curtains to show your professors that you’ve let even one corrosive beam of sun hit your lifeless form this past week. Pop some vitamin D pills on the shelf behind you so people think you’re taking care of yourself. Be sure to wear a hoodie or a fun hat to cover your greasy hair. No one will be able to tell you haven’t showered since last Wednesday. 

5. Show off your hobbies

Having hobbies is a great way to demonstrate to people that you do “well-adjusted person things” in your spare time. But, it can be so hard to bring up your laundry list of engaging and realistic hobbies in academic conversation. Instead, try carefully placing crochet hooks, half-painted faberge eggs, or welding tools on shelves or walls behind you. Or, consider painting a pentagram on the floor behind you. If your peers assume you’re in a satanic cult, they’ll know you have friends outside of school. It doesn’t matter if you actually partake in these pastimes. It’s about conveying the illusion that you don’t sit in bed on your phone, endlessly scrolling through Instagram while the zoom camera is off.