Pussy is Power. But what if it was a Renewable Energy Source?

As the earth hurtles deeper into the climate crisis, consumers and businesses alike hunger for novel sources of green energy.  Earlier this year, a team of scientists at Yonix Inc. made a vital and timely breakthrough. They discovered how to harness the power of the world’s greatest renewable resource—the human vagina. How did these scientists tap that? The researchers have created “The Coochinex™,” a patented … Continue reading Pussy is Power. But what if it was a Renewable Energy Source?

New Year’s Detox Plan: FGACHLUDP

With the holidays finally over, we all feel the regret that comes with having eaten an entire box of discounted chocolates the day after Valentines day. Instead of bottling up the shame of being a human who eats, why not channel that energy into a detox plan? Some experts advise that the healthiest way to treat your body is to eat in moderation. They tell … Continue reading New Year’s Detox Plan: FGACHLUDP

Freshman Overwhelmed by Responsibility of New Plant

As new First-Year students are thrust into Haverford college life each year, they are introduced to a long line of Haverford traditions. With classic events like Supa fun, Screw Date, and slipping on the floor of Gum basement, freshmen are bombarded with opportunities to navigate their new home. For most, these experiences elicit fond memories. For a certain unlucky student however, one of these time-honored … Continue reading Freshman Overwhelmed by Responsibility of New Plant

5 Ways To Decorate Your Zoom Background To Make It Look Like You’re Not Having a Mental Breakdown

Put up some fairy lights As any Pinterest board or Pottery Barn teen catalogue will tell you, no college dorm is complete without fairy lights. Putting up these bad boys will tell your professors and peers that your serotonin levels are right where they should be. Opt for a soft white or pastel to show you have a personality, but nothing bright enough to make … Continue reading 5 Ways To Decorate Your Zoom Background To Make It Look Like You’re Not Having a Mental Breakdown