Far Far Far Far East Night
We heard your feedback – you love our vague cultural themes! From the delectable Cajun Fare to our exotic KFC bar, the Dining Center is proud to educate you on the plethora of foodstuffs found across this great blue planet. That’s why we went so Far East that we made it back around the Earth! Experience tantalizing, imported American cuisine such as cheeseburgers, Freedom Fries, and Reuben sandwiches.
Don’t worry, our head chefs did their research and are committed to authenticity! To demonstrate their commitment to the craft, we sent our culinary corps on a grueling 6-month pilgrimage across the continental United States to experience the Flavors of Freedom™ for themselves. That’s right, they dined at two White Castle establishments to perfect this alluring “burger” recipe.
*In the spirit of American capitalism, each dish will cost 3 meal swipes, plus tip.
Impastabilities
*Mission Impossible theme*
Cue Tom Cruise swishing in with shades and a hair flip.
Tonight is- *pause for dramatic effect* Impastabilities. The pasta- beyond anything you can ever imagine. The vibes- impeccable. We’ve got everything and anything except for pasta. Instead of the traditional line, you’re going to have to work for your food. Not scale a building per se, but a little obstacle course to get your blood pumping. In order to secure your food, students will need to scale the roof of the DC and enter aerially via grappling hook and cable. Once you successfully avoid the intricate laser web, you have one chance to scan your OneCard or else the United States’ nuclear launch codes will be broadcast worldwide. For your bravery, you receive one small plate of mediocre zoodles/squoodles/boodles/poodles with a tolerable sauce of your choice. Enjoy.
Duck Pond Night
As part of the new DC Health Initiative, we’re bringing you local, organic chow – straight from the Duck Pond! Get ready for roast duck, crane legs, and fresh pond water packed with enough vitamins, minerals, and contaminants to keep you swimming! Vegan? Never fear! We’re packing the salad bar with moss-crusted algae and prions. No evidence of Avian Chlamydiosis (duck chlamydia) has been found in the waterfowl, so you can safely dine knowing your duck might be safe for consumption.
Haggis Fusion
At this point in your life, you’ve probably had more than your fill of meat pies and beans on toast, but not to worry. If you scuttle just a few hundred miles north of London, you’ll find a dish ripe for DC riffing. That’s right—haggis! Because who hasn’t dug into their dinner of sheep guts and thought, “This could be everything I wanted in a food, if only it had oatmeal in it!”
But the DC is nothing if not a paragon of gastronomic innovation, and we know that a cafeteria absolutely packed to the gills with bags upon bags upon bags of haggis can only fall short of our ambitious standards of cultural zing (cf. haricots verts). That’s why, this Wednesday, we’ll be serving up bags upon bags upon bags of haggis with an Irn Bru™ glaze and guacamole on the side. And that’s what we call cosmopolitanism.
Secret Night
Wouldn’t you like to know?
Crumbs N’ Drippings
OKAY, you all thought you could avoid haggis night by paying a borderline unreasonable price for Beyond Burgers at the Coop? Well think again, chodes! We have more leftover haggis than we know what to do with. I mean, we sure as hell don’t want it. That’s why you’re gonna eat your days-old sheep intestines, you’re gonna enjoy them, and you’re not leaving this eating space/sunken lounge until you do! Sides include (something from Duck Pond Night) and (something that’s bad).
Ratatouille Night
Inspired by the heralded Pixar animation, this ratatouille dish will be something slightly more sophisticated than your average hit-or-miss DC lunch side, for it will be inspired by the rats themselves! For legal reasons, we must specify that of course, no rodents will be in the presence of food preparation, but if you notice an abrupt uniform change to large white chef hats, assume what you want.
Christian Night
Have you ever found yourself hankering for the body of Christ? Have you ever had the munchies for the power of Christian absolution? Well, hanker no further! Come on down to the DC this Thursday (the Feast of St. Vincent de Paul for those crispy crunchy Christ enjoyers out there) to experience the culinary magic of your local church. No meal plan required: Jesus didn’t have a OneCard! The only thing you’ll have to do is stick your dandy little head in our bin of water and pledge your allegiance to Christ for all eternity. After you’ve been baptized a follower and disciple, enjoy some delectable Eucharistic hosts! ??Mmmmm, nothing says divine love like the taste of unleavened cardboard. And wowee, it’s grape juice to remind you that while Our Lord drank some wine with the boys, you won’t. Enjoy the soothing tones of Gregorian Chant as you dine silently contemplating God’s love. If you want dessert, don’t worry! We’ll have a priest in the back for you to confess your gluttony to.
