At long last, it’s finally happened: The Consensus has overtaken the once-respected Clerk in Instagram followers, the surest indicator of a newspaper’s legitimacy. Journalism is dead. And we’re here for it. Amidst all the bad things going on in the world, Haverford students are smart enough to know where to get the truth they want to hear: How to show up absolutely shloshed to the next Wendy Worner! Haverford students know which newspapers can present the information they desire, and which ones are notable for controversial opinion articles.

From our first post, “Success! Student Petition to Get President Wendy Worner to Say “fuck” Reaches 1,435 Signatures” to most recently “A Haverbro’s May Day,” the Consensus has churned out adequately-written, occasionally-humorous work for the masses. Emerging from the ashes of Off the Spot, one of Haverford’s many failed comedy groups, the Consensus grew out of ignominy into grace. Today, one could even argue that the Consensus has become part of the “Haverford experience”. We’ve grown to be the most-followed Haverford-specific news account despite ONLY following Peanut. We’ve even been endorsed by President Wendy Worner herself! 

To that end, we’d like to thank a few people. First of all, we’d like to thank our wonderful departed founders: Eleanor, James, and Elaina. Without them, the Consensus wouldn’t exist. We’d like to thank our current editors, whose brave leadership has led us to new heights: Jay, Lillian, and Emma. We’d like to thank all active contributors, who have put their blood, sweat, tears, and minimal effort into writing the best damn satire they can write: Emmett, Maia, Harrison, Ella, and Ian. We’d like to thank all other contributors, who have been immensely important even without having a writing credit to their name yet. We’d like to thank everyone who showed up to one meeting and decided this wasn’t their thing. We’d like to thank everyone who discussed an article or a headline with their friends, maybe asking what freshman dorm they were, or their HaverRice purity score. We’d like to thank anyone who actually reads the full articles, you are the people we truly do this for. We’d like to thank the people who just like the Instagram posts without investigating past the headline. It’s usually the best part anyway. We’d like to thank anyone who followed us thoughtlessly and didn’t once look at our articles. You did very little, yet you still helped our egos grow. We’d like to thank Wendy Worner, for being our most overused gag. We’d like to thank everyone who helped us reach our $230,000 fundraising goal, we pocketed every last cent of that money. We’d like to thank everyone who printed, framed, and hung up each and every one of our articles in their dorm rooms – we know who you are, and we’re scared of you. Thank you to the brave souls who came into our meeting room thinking that we were a different club, your mistake got our hopes up for a brief moment. Finally, we’d like to thank the Haverford community as a whole, for providing us with the space to entertain, to write, and to satirize. There are more feats on the horizon. We’re coming for you, Bi-Co News. CNN is next. No matter what we do, one thing is certain: The Haverford Consensus has dealt a great blow in the struggle against journalism today. We will not rest until the job is complete, however. We shall not cease until farce replaces fact, propaganda replaces proof, and misinformation reigns supreme.