We’ve all been there: the DC is serving “Bang Bang Tilapia,” and you’ve got a hankering for Pad Thai. You spend $30 on DoorDash and anxiously wait for your delivery, only to realize that you have to venture out into the elements to pick it up. Now, your noodles are cold, your wallet is empty, and your night is ruined.
Friends, venture no more. The Office of Residential Life has announced that all DoorDash drivers will be given OneCards and exclusive access to your dorm.
From now on, all you’ll have to do is write your room number in your order’s special instructions, and you’ll be treated to deluxe room service! Not only will your Dasher walk through your unlocked door and personally deliver your food to your bed, but they’ll take a seat and strike up a conversation to ensure that you never have to eat dinner alone again.
Concerned students have raised the question: is this safe? Fortunately, the Consensus has the inside scoop on the extensive measures that Res Life is taking to instill confidence in their new delivery system. Before receiving their OneCard, every DoorDash driver will be required to sign the Honor Code, promising to uphold trust, concern, and respect for every Haverfordian they meet while completing their mission.
On Friday, the first HaverDoorDashOneCards were distributed to local Dashers in Founder’s Hall by President Wendy Worner. On the way to his first Barclay delivery, newly dubbed HaverDasher Carl Brankton commented, “I can’t wait to check out these dorms. Dropping off deliveries at the door just doesn’t give me the personal connection that I need. Every time I tap my OneCard, it’s like I have access to new friends and a new home. Showers, free laundry, laptops… it’s all here. I’m never gonna leave!”
After having Five Guys delivered to her room, sophomore Caroline Crinsp submitted a report to Campus Safety saying “My Dasher won’t leave and is claiming squatters rights.” Grant Strawford, interim head of Residential Life, responded with a campus-wide email that simply reads, “Wow! With the HaverDoorDash program, new friends are quickly becoming new roommates!”
This feature will not be extended to UberEats.
Download DoorDash™ today and use our discount code HAVERFORDCONSENSUS<3HAVERDOORDASHONECARDPROGRAM2023 for 4% off your next HaverDoorDash order!
DoorDash: It’s Our Pleasure.
