Who let the dogs out? And who trained them to be so comforting? That’s right: the barefoot guy across from you in Lutnick Library just touched your leg with his toes.

This couldn’t have come at a better time. A damp caress from those tootsies really gave you the boost you need to get through those last 6 pages of Foucault. From the moment you saw this heaven-sent scholar walking over, sockless in his slides, you knew everything was going to be okay. The smell of reassurance wafts to your nose as he kicks off his sandals with an audible “Ahhh…” and takes a quick stomp on the rug to clean his dusty soles. “Golly,” you think with a tremble, “This is what dreams are made of.” 

This little piggy went to Lutnick, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy did classwork, and this little piggy went all the way up your thigh! It all started when he stretched out his legs, accidentally giving you a wet little love tap. He must have noticed the joy that it gave you, because before you knew it he was tipping and tapping upon your tibia. These furry dogs are barking up the right tree, and you just can’t get enough.

Don’t fret, because those sloppy joes aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. He needs you to know how much he cares, so he’ll keep massaging the upper and outer areas of your leg until you’ve finished your reading and gotten home safely. And yes, he’s that committed! A sweet nuzzle on your calf from those cankles pushed you to do the impossible: your homework. You shed a tear, because you’re not ready to say goodbye just yet. Thankfully, as you pick up your iced chai with almond milk and head out the door, you hear the slaps of his sockless feet trailing behind. Looks like you won’t need to put in your AirPods, because that’s music to your ears. 

You tap into your dorm with your OneCard and hold the door open for the saintly man and his oversized hooves. Turning around, you realize they’re nowhere to be found. Panic sets in. How can you rest without the slight scratch of his toenails against your knee? You fear that this was a once in a lifetime experience, but nonetheless you return to the library and sit, waiting for the day another fella with a pair of swampy marmadukes takes his throne across from you, removes his flip flops, and sends you back to paradise.