“I would like to thank the Haverford College Democrats for handing me this easy Senate win,” said John Fetterman (53M), with a grateful thumbs up protruding from his right shoulder. “If it was not for this organization, there is absolutely no way I could have kicked Mehmet Oz back to New Jersey. They provided such a strong, critical support in one of the most contested townships in the entire country. They single handedly saved democracy. ‘Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few,’ as said by my man, Winston Churchill (147M).” He refused to address questions about the lack of a thumb on his left shoulder.