After a quick Google search, former President Jimmy Carter was found not, in fact, dead. 

“We really weren’t sure,” said domestic politics correspondent Edwards Hammers. “That son of a bitch is really hanging in there.”

Carter’s presidency was marked by an economic downturn, a hostage crisis, and the ongoing Cold War, which historians agree was “A real bummer.” After his presidency, Carter was lauded for his humanitarian efforts, not ending up on the Epstein list, and whatever the hell else ex-presidents do. But the years have caught up to him, which is why my editor has advised me to “Get this article out quickly, because the joke will expire once he does.”

Many mainstream news outlets have long prepared obituaries for Carter; however, most of them have since gone bankrupt. Carter has asked President Biden to deliver his eulogy, which is tough, because President Biden has asked Carter to deliver his. We’ll just have to see what happens.

Although he may pass, he has certainly left his mark on lists of U.S. presidents, and he will surely be remembered…for about 2 days after his death.