Insert extremely flattering salutation that seems a bit over the top: 

Hello. My name is Arnold Palmer and I want to work for you this summer because if I don’t get a job, my dad will keep telling everyone how much of a disappointment I am. Does this internship seem interesting? Sure, why not? Was it my first choice? You wish. 

In terms of past experiences that have prepared me for this position, I am majoring in something vaguely related to your company, and I’m hoping that you’ll ignore that I’m technically not the right age for this position because I just really really need this job. Did you ask for specific background in a niche within a niche of a topic that I’ve never heard of? Yes. But do I have experience in this field? Of course. 

In addition, let me also tell you about this super cool experience I had that perfectly relates to the qualifications for this job. Look at me impressively including all of the words that you listed as characteristics of your ideal intern. Do I have all of them? Yes. Do I have any other personality traits? No. Just in case you didn’t already realize it, I am clearly the most well-rounded, best-qualified candidate for this position. Do I maybe sound a little too perfect for the job to the point where you’re doubting whether any part of this cover letter is genuine? Yes. But should you still hire me? Most definitely yes. 

In the end, I just want you to know that I’m applying here because you don’t require a letter of recommendation or a long-winded, self-aggrandizing essay. If I am hired, I will come to work with a smile on my face 33% of the summer, turn my work in semi-on-time, and you won’t even remember my name come September. I am reliable (sometimes) and I really just want someone, anyone, to hire me. 

Thank you, Mc. Donald’s, for your consideration, 

Arnold Palmer