It’s springtime, and wedding bells are ringing! Two seniors, Henry Reiner and Sarah Klein, have announced their engagement: “I haven’t felt this way since my seventh hookup,” said the newly HPV-free Henry.

This Haverford love story began their freshman year in Gummere basement: “When I saw Henry  checking out my friend while huddled around the dying speaker like a campfire in winter, I just knew he was the one.” Little by little, while confronting him about ignoring her friend, she began to fall for his taste in Instagram reels and “good enough” hygiene.

Eventually, they matched on Hinge, and Henry also fell in love: “At first, I was drawn to her inability to handle minor inconveniences. But I really fell for her when I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable during our first date, and she told me that she would put away the blindfold and just use the handcuffs. She’s so considerate.”

A mutual friend shared their excitement: “From their love of gossip, to their dependence on SSRI’s, to their unique appearances, they’re truly a perfect couple. I can almost forget that we’ll grow apart and go from best friends to strangers.” 

The wedding ceremony will take place in Founders, officiated by “that one Quaker guy–you know, the one with the glasses?” Afterwards, the reception will be held at the Dining Center, with an optional afterparty at the Bryn Mawr Hospital Food Poisoning Clinic. Entertainment will be provided by the Title IX office, with a slideshow presentation entitled “‘I Do’ Doesn’t Mean ‘I’ll Do You.’” All attendees will be given four dining dollars to spend on lukewarm lattes.

The couple is enamored with each other, making it all the more tragic when they’ll divorce in three years due to the crushing weight of their combined student debt.