Lillian Burroughs has asked The Consensus to pass along the following message, taking advantage of our vast readership with the knowledge that some people refuse to read her emails:

[hc-students-broadcast] Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Eclipse Safety (PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE READ)

Friends:
It has come to my attention that the majority of you have IGNORED my painstakingly “crafted” Inclement Weather Warnings (IWWs), leading to a 7% uptick in completely preventable weather accidents (CPWAs). I hope, however, that the small but mighty population of intelligent students will heed my warnings (Ws):

• Do NOT look directly at the eclipse without proper eye protection. 
• Honestly, I’d advise against it even with eye protection. Don’t go blind now, Friends!
• Under no circumstances should you go to Bryn Mawr College (BM College).
• Remember, the eclipse will only be at 90% totality over Haverford College. Don’t get your hopes up!
• Earplugs are recommended to drown out The Howling.
  • AwooooooooO!!!!!
• Please report any unusual activity to Campus Safety immediately (610-896-1111).
• Blood of the Lamb will be provided.
• Hey, don’t these bullet points kinda look like little eclipses? Yes they do!
• Give each other space, as the effects of the eclipse on the human body are not entirely known. (Also, be Covid Conscious!)
• You need not fear the Night, but what it holds 👻.
• If you see Wendy Raymond in The Stacks, avert your eyes and turn away slowly. Things are not as they seem.

Take a W this Monday, and good luck out there!

See you soon.
Lil