Missed it by this much! College administration recently announced that in addition to the staple “Admitted Students Day,” Haverford will host a “Rejected Students Day” one week later, to adequately convey to would-be Fords the college experience they’ll miss out on.

While some have expressed concerns over the optics of such an event, the admissions office assured Consensus reporters that Rejected Students Day will “be really funny” and “make you appreciate your school for once.” 

In Quaker fashion, attendees will not go home empty-handed. Each reject will be given a personalized breakdown of their personal shortcomings, as well as an itemized summary of how much money their parents could have donated for them to be admitted anyway. Wendy Raymond will attend to provide demeaning remarks about the rejects’ physical appearances. In a statement from the Office of the President, Wendy “wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Current and admitted students are encouraged to tune in to the main attraction, in which rejects will scramble about campus to find a single blank OneCard which will grant the finder immediate admission to our prestigious institution. Of course, no such OneCard exists, but the ensuing free-for-all is sure to delight spectators.

The newly formed Rejection Office has stated that The Undesirables will not be allowed to dine at the DC, because “they would realize that they really dodged a bullet.” Instead, they will be treated to a steak dinner catered by Ardmore’s own DePaul’s Table to flaunt Haverford’s “massive endowment.” 

When reached for comment amidst backlash to this decision, an anonymous rejections spokesperson offered; “There’s always Swarthmore.”