1. The tower on top of Founders
Looking for gorgeous 360° views? Look no further than the tower atop historic Founder’s Hall. The snuggly single boasts a small interior, but it has everything you need: mice, a microwave crusted in popcorn entrails, a giant-ass bell, and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to survey. Students with severe dog allergies are warned- this is Peanut’s summer home. Bonus- it’s a great party space, as campus safety refuses to haul their asses up there.
2. DIY Metaverse Suite
This create-your-own opportunity provides students with a flexible, albeit entirely virtual, housing option. The virtual reality windows offer stunning views of landscapes of your choice to make you forget you go to school in barren Pennsylvania. (Infinitely) spacious and digitally decorated to your taste, there’s something for everyone in this grandiose suite. Only available for students technically competent enough to turn it off and on if it glitches.
3. The basement of the Phebe Anna Thorne School
This tight, cozy space has been newly renovated into a 2 bedroom, 0.25 bath apartment perfect for you and two friends you don’t mind forgetting daylight with. Furnished with “donated” playground equipment, this space is a fun answer to any students who yearn for recess. This suite only is available to students participating in the Phebe Anna Thorne co-op, which entails babysitting the little squirts for 15-20 hours/week (no background check requested).
4. The Nature Trail
Armed with a child sized tent and a weapon of their choice, nomadically inclined students have the opportunity to stake out for the school year. It’s a great opportunity for students to return to their hunter/gatherer roots in lieu of a traditional meal plan to learn valuable lessons in self-sufficiency. The Nature Trail will also be added to EMS as a reservable party space, so you can access both your primal and party sides. Notice: any consumption of black squirrels is considered blasphemous to our mascot and may be punished by tent confiscation.
5. Some timeshare in Central Florida Haverford admin got swindled into buying
Two lucky students looking for a remote option can enjoy a ‘his and hers’ suite in a romantic “condo”, nestled 2 hours (by car) from the nearest body of water. Thanks to some foolish staff member, Haverford students can enjoy the salt and sand while still obtaining a world class Quaker education. It’s perfect for students with a thirst for danger, as this condo complex is subject to nation-high rates of gator attacks.
6. James House
Named after Kevin James, this community housing option is only available for students and staff named James. No exceptions- don’t even think about it.
And as always with Room Draw, may the odds ever be in your favor (they won’t be).
