Haverford, PA – At approximately 3:55 p.m. on May 2, 2022, after a lengthy 5-week trial, an anonymous Haverford student was acquitted of all charges after violently murdering a Lutnick barista. The incident occurred after the frequent cafe patron told the student, “I’m sorry, but our espresso machine is broken.”  According to witnesses, the student screamed in fury and pelted an onslaught of Lime bubly™ … Continue reading Student Acquitted After Slaying Lutnick Barista Amidst Broken Espresso Machine Crisis